If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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