I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
