I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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