we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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