the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
