you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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