i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
