I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
