Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
