So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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