dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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