If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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