well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
