I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
