I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think a kid would responsible me up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
