You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
