ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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