I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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