My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
