can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
