I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
