im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
