Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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