who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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