You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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