I'm jealous of your bromance
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
