Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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