just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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