so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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