ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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