U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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