he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
