dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
