They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
