Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
