yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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