you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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