He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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