How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
