I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How does it feel to date your dad?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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