so that wasnt chicken after all
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
