is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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