i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
