So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
