I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
