Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
