Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
