Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
