he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
