I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
