Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
