I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
