I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
