a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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